and now, the moment you've all been waiting for...

Day #

Ashlee thought it would be fun if I tried to guess what was in each one before I opened it. The thought actually crossed my mind yesterday, so I readily agreed.

Here is the paraphrased transcript of my thoughts:

{It's heavy...kind of like a book. It could be a book. Seems too heavy for a picture frame or photo album. I think it's a book or...photo coasters.}

End transcript. Are you in awe of the inner workings of my mind? You should be.

Now I'll bet you'd like to know what was actually in the bag. Or you may not care. But if you don't care, I'm pretty sure you have vowed not to visit my blog for at least the next month and aren't reading this anyway!

So without further adieu...


OH! Do you grasp the significance of this beautiful purple package?!?

Here, let me point out the most relevant details:

and:


I have a little story to tell you. I must admit that I am not the world's biggest fan of m&m's. Well, more accurately, I wasn't the world's biggest fan of m&m's. I mean, the peanut ones were good, and the peanut butter ones were good; I was just never addicted to them. And then these marvelous confectionery creations appeared in stores. They were originally released in conjunction with one of the new Star Wars movies (not even worth getting into that), with some sort of marketing slogan about going to the dark side. Clever enough. They only came in the little bags, and I don't mean the little big bags. I mean the little bags that you find in the checkout aisle. At first, we only found the plain variety. And those were good, don't get me wrong. But then, on a day that will go down in the history books (or maybe not, as I have no idea what day it was...I could maybe figure out the year with some strenuous mental calculations) someone found the peanut variety! I honestly don't remember who it was.

Of course, as these things go, just about as soon as we discovered the wonder that is dark chocolate peanut m&m's, they disappeared. (Remember the part about them being linked with the Star Wars movie? Yeah. Movie done, candy done.) Then again, maybe it was Ashlee who discovered them because apparently things she discovers and loves get discontinued.

A tragedy of such proportions requires action! So we sent emails to m&m's. Again, as these things go, they listened to Ashlee but not to me and about a year later, dark chocolate m&m's (plain and peanut) triumphantly returned!

If you'd like, you can submit my history of dark chocolate peanut m&m's to wikipedia. It couldn't possibly be anymore ridiculous than some of the stuff that ends up on there.

By the way, there is a proper way to eat m&m's. (Warning: nerd alert.) Any guesses why you must eat all of the colors besides red, yellow, and blue first and then ensure the correct numbers of those three colors so that you can eat one of each color together? I've been doing this since high school.

and behind door #2...

Welcome to day #2 of the 30 Rock Tour!


Instead of wisely using this time during which the baby is sleeping to clean something or do something similarly productive (or even eating breakfast), I am blogging. Because I can. (And I don't know how long he will sleep - I'm pretty sure this is a trauma-induced nap brought about by a visit to the doctor which included vaccines. But at least he doesn't have an ear infection. He does, however, have allergies. And what can you do about allergies for a 4 month old? That's right, zippo.)

Have I kept you in enough suspense yet?

Can you guess what I got? Here are some clues.

I got something for day #2 that I've never had before. It fits in my purse. (I already put it there!) It's cute. It's little. It has purple on it (my favorite color).

Any ideas?

I should clarify. I've had several of these in my lifetime, but never a cute little one that would fit in my purse.

The first one I had was blue and had a bear head for the handle. I think it had hearts on it. I loved it. There's a decent chance it's still in the closet in my parents' house. I got it when I was in kindergarten. In fact, I still love it! But even it would not fit in a purse.

Have you figured it out yet?

Have I ever told you about the rain boots my mom sent me my freshman year of college? There's not much need for rain boots in Omaha. Snow boots are necessary, of course, but it just doesn't rain in quantities that would call for rain boots. Or if it is raining that much, you'd better be inside because there's probably a tornado or a chance of a tornado accompanying it. So I moved to Houston for college and was soon acquainted with the subtropical climate. I think it was October, and it rained for a week. Literally. I wasn't entirely sure what to do with that, but I quickly learned that I needed a rain coat and rain boots in order to get to my classes. I didn't have an umbrella either, but a rain coat with a hood is much easier to deal with than an umbrella when traveling from class to class. So my mom sent me a red rain coat and bright yellow rain boots! I love these boots. I still have them and occasionally get to wear them. They're the kind of boots that require you to splash in puddles. Seriously. They're fabulous.

So have you guessed yet? (Hint: the above tangent was also a clue.)

Ta-da!


Isn't it cute and little?! Thanks girls! I love it!

on the first day of the 30 Rock Tour...

my good friends gave to me
a VeggieTales calendar!


So last night, Joe and I were watching 24, which we had recorded, of course. It's 9:35, and there is a knock at the door. Knowing that only crazy people knock on the door at that hour and that we are somewhat suspicious people by nature, Joe answers it. On the doorstep sits a giant box, wrapped with a bow on top. He stands there for a moment, looks around the corner, and says, "It's for you." So I went to the door, and there stand Ashlee, Tami, and Lisa, surrounding the giant box.

Did you know that today begins the 30 day countdown until my 30th birthday? I didn't. My friends did. So what did they bring me?



A giant box of toilet paper!


Not really. It is actually full of presents with numbered sticky notes! And today was day number one.


And this present proves just how well my friends know me. . . first that I get a VeggieTales calendar every year and second that I hadn't gotten one this year.

Now all of you get to celebrate 30 days of my birthday with me!

In other news, the children and I got to have lunch with my mom today during her layover on her way back from California. We ate at Godfather's Pizza. Did you know that in second grade I was friends with the son of the CEO of Godfather's Pizza? Well, I was.

In other other news, at least 2, maybe 3 out of 4 children have ear infections. Awesome.

dirty little secrets

There are a few things no one ever tells you about having a baby (and no, none of these are things I'm figuring out for the first time).

1. Your hair may start falling out after the baby is born. By the handfuls. It's gross. It gets everywhere. (It will come back, but you will start to wonder just how much hair can fall out.)

2. In the beginning, breastfeeding hurts. Like nothing you can imagine.

3. You will feel schizophrenic or bipolar or something. Somehow you have to achieve a balance of patience and calm during the times you have to feed or rock or otherwise entertain the baby and then find the motivation and opportunity to work as fast as you can during the brief periods of time the baby is sleeping or content to get as much done as possible.

4. You will probably only find any time to yourself if you forgo sleep.

I know it sounds like it, but I'm really not complaining. I'm actually pretty good at dealing with reality. But sometimes you step back and look at it and wonder at the reality.

pop quiz

image by Paul Carlson, from http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/fractals.htm

What spreads farther, faster, and more insidiously than a virus?

(Because I want to be Ashlee when I grow up, I may just send out a prize for the correct and/or most creative answer.)

seriously?

I'm sorry, but it has to be said.

I have no strong feelings either way about tattoos. I personally would probably never get one, but I don't have a problem with them out of hand. Rather, I just feel that they are not as counter-cultural as some people who get them believe them to be or want them to be. Honestly, it seems to me that tattoos have become downright trendy. (Don't hate me, it's just my opinion from my observation of society.) Here is my proof. Sorry, I couldn't get a picture to load. It's "Barbie Totally Stylin Tattoos." Enough said.

ya gotta be quick!

I'm officially the worst mother ever.

Wednesday night, I (along with my semi-permanent arm accessory) went to dinner with the girls (Ashlee, Tami, and Lisa) for Lisa's birthday dinner. We went to BJ's, it was great! Anyway, this left Joe in charge of the other three children. (They played "Wii!" as Jared informed me the next morning.) So Joe texted me while I was at dinner, informing me that Alaina's tooth, which she had been messing with for a good 4 days, fell out. I texted him back to let him know that I would take care of it when I got home. Well, as it turns out, A.J. has been sick again this week (the weather has gone nuts again), and when he is sick, he refuses to be put down. So when I got home, my primary concern was to quiet him down so we could both get some sleep. Needless to say, I completely forgot about being the Tooth Fairy...until about 7am the next morning as the children were about to get up.

Naturally, I waited to see what Alaina would say. It was something along the lines of a shocked, "The tooth fairy didn't come!" This, of course, required some quick thinking on my part. So in case anyone ever asks, the Tooth Fairy occassionally takes a day off...and makes up for it with two quarters the next night.

just call me Sir Edmund

I wanted to post a picture of Jared's new haircut. But he wouldn't cooperate last night, deciding instead to stick out his chubby little hand and maul the camera lens. (Joe cleaned it, so no harm done.) So here is today's random photo:



Baby smiles make it all worth it.

I did something last Friday that I have not done before. I took all of the children out on a shopping expedition. For most, going to Target is a simple errand - run in, wander around for a while, run out, done. Nothing to write home about. Not so for us! It requires logistical analysis, pit stops, and crisis-aversion skills. Alaina pushes the stroller with A.J., and I put Jared and Jadyn in the cart and push it. (Child containment is the #1 strategy.) Two bathroom stops later, we finish shopping and have to stop for lunch. This kind of shopping trip demands nourishment. We did make it, and we got everything we needed with a minimum of behavioral issues, so it was a success. However, I don't believe I will be making a habit of it anytime soon.

I've decided that Jared compensates for his limited vocabulary through sheer repetition. Have you ever read the book Jacob Two-Two? Well, this is more like Jared Six-Six. I mean, what's the difference, really? As long as you're jabbering away nonstop all day long, who can tell that you don't say that many words? The entire time we were at lunch at Target, all I heard was, "Mama! More b's! Mama! More b's!" A "b," of course, is the generic term for any letter.

We're rearraging our office upstairs. My family can attest to the fact that it was out of control. The trouble is, boys don't stay out of anything. It's a harsh realization to which I've had to adjust. When the girls were little, they typically stayed out of stuff. They didn't bother things that they knew weren't theirs. Jared, on the other hand, wanders around the house looking for things to get into. We have a big chair and a half with an ottoman upstairs, and out of necessity, it is situated next to the railing. The girls have always been careful to sit in it after I told them they could fall out an hurt themselves if they stood. I'm fairly certain Jared has taken to standing in the chair more after I told him the same thing. So, of course, the chair must be moved. As is often the case, this cannot be accomplished until 20 other things have been done in order to have a place for the chair to move into. Have I mentioned that we're going to be looking for a bigger house?!?

miscellany

I have decided blog posts are much more interesting if there is a photo included. So, here is today's photo:


It has nothing to do whatsoever with this post, but it's cute.

I have been completely remiss in mentioning this, but my mom started a blog. Seriously. I posted way back when about how I thought my parents were cool, and so she went and proved it again. It all reminds me of the time I called my grandma and she asked me to hold on because she was on the other line. Technology is way out of control.

The conversation I had with Jadyn this morning:

Me: Jadyn, you can't wear that sweater, it's too warm today.

Jadyn: But I love it!

Me: I understand that, but it's too warm today for a sweater.

Jadyn: But I love my sweater.

Me: (getting a little sterner) Jadyn, you may not wear that sweater today.

She bursts out crying. But there are no tears, so it's really more whining.

Me: Are you seriously crying about the weather?!

Jadyn: (wailing) Yeah!

I'm not sure how she thought she could get away with that in this house...


There's more, I'm just out of time, so it'll have to wait for the next post and random picture.

Oh, and happy birthday Lindsey! :)

inconceivable!

Although it is not even possible, my baby is about to be 6. A two-hands number. I remember being 6 - not vividly, but I remember some of the things I thought and felt. Anyway, enough nostalgia. On to the party!

She asked for a Nutcracker party. (What can I say, she's my kid, it's not a real surprise she's obsessed with Christmas.) I told her there was no way I was doing a Nutcracker cake. I know my limits. So we agreed on Sugar Plum Fairy cupcakes. Believe it or not, it's not all that easy to find ballerina cupcake toppers. So I got creative.


I made tiny gingerbread men out of a thin layer of cake. The tops of the cupcakes are supposed to be the ballerina's skirt. I thought they were cute. I bought a decorator tip set in order to make them, which I'm kind of excited about. Undoubtedly my next endeavor will be more involved.

As it was a Nutcracker party, she directed a meaningful new interpretation of the ballet, in which she also performed the role of, you guessed it, the Sugar Plum Fairy. So that Joe doesn't take my blog away, I will refrain from posting video. (He had a supporting role. Literally.) Jared helped with the scenery.


And then there were presents. Ashlee won.


She's holding her brand new leotard. It's purple with butterflies. Don't believe Ashlee when she tells you she had to buy it for her because I would not. As predicted, though, Jadyn wants one too.

So, here comes 6!

what is it with men and "the godfather?"

Seriously, what is it about children and cat litter that they must intersect at some point?

A couple of years ago, when Alaina and Jadyn were in the vicinity of 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 years old, respectively, the two of them decided to hunt for treasure. . . in the cat litter. But they weren't just digging in the cat litter. No, they were throwing handfuls of the stuff. And as the cat litter is located in the laundry room, they managed to get cat litter not only all over themselves and firmly ground into their hair, but also inside the washer and every other corner of the laundry room. It was gross. Fortunately, they were the only two children at the time, so cleaning them up wasn't major drama.

This morning, when now there are four children, Jared decided it would be a good idea to spread the cat litter from the laundry room into the hallway. Now, I will admit that it was nothing short of a miracle that he wasn't chucking the stuff as hard and as far as he could. He was, however, taking handfuls of cat litter and dropping it all over the laundry room floor and hallway carpet. But it gets better. After removing him and disciplining him and washing his hands, I sent him into my room with the other children so I could go get the vacuum from downstairs. During the 30 or so seconds it took me to go downstairs and retrieve the vacuum, Jared had gone into the master bath, where one of the cats currently lives (long story, not worth it) and picked up the cat litter scoop to play in the cat litter in there. I'm thinking, "Seriously?!? I just spanked him for that!" So once again I removed him and disciplined him and washed his hands, but this time I sat him down against a wall where I could watch him while I cleaned up the mess.

Stay tuned. I'm sure A.J. will have his own exploits with cat litter in a couple of years. . .

what's the "call in sick" number for my job?

All I wanted to do when I woke up this morning was not talk. My throat hurt, I was coughing, and I felt awful. I knew I'd have to deal with the world; I just didn't want to have to talk to it.

And then they woke up.

terrible

I am officially a terrible mother.

For her birthday, Ashlee (I would link to her, but even if I can do that from my phone, it wouldn't be easy) took Jadyn out for a special day. Part of the special day was getting to pick out her own present. Jadyn selected a truly delightful baby doll that makes noise - sucks its pacifier, cries, etc. Fortunately for Ashlee and Jadyn and the doll, it also has a "magic blanket" that quiets the crying instantly.

This afternoon, Jared was playing with this particular baby doll. (He has taken an interest in baby dolls since his baby brother was born.) He put the pacifier in the baby's mouth, but it kept falling out, which made the baby cry. After several attempts at pacifying the baby, Jared just busts out crying. As I'm trying to discern just what has happened, he keeps trying to make the baby stop crying. I can't help but start laughing. The poor kid was so upset that the baby wouldn't stop crying that he has big fat tears rolling down his cheeks (which, of course, makes me laugh harder). I enlist Alaina's help in retrieving the magic blanket from upstairs, as I have my hands full with the aforementioned baby brother.

So we get the baby doll quiet, which helps Jared to calm down. And then the baby starts up, and so does Jared. I am still laughing and hoping this won't be the foundation for a neurosis.

So what have we learned? a) Jared can be a sweet and sensitive boy. b) Crying baby dolls can have their moments as entertainment. c) I probably need to get out of the house more often.

"Jared thinks all the food in the world is his."

- Jadyn, in the car this morning on the way to Alaina's basketball game, as Jared is screaming incoherently about wanting something I neither understand nor could possibly give to him while driving

"Why are you laughing?"

- Jadyn's next remark, to me

a blogging resolution

So, not really. I don't do resolutions. But I am trying something new...blogging from my phone. It's an attempt to blog more frequently, as I know all 2 of my readers are eager for more wit and wisdom from me.

Anyway, blogging from my phone might actually work as it is very conducive to multi-tasking, and while I don't often have an empty lap for my computer, I can usually manage unoccupied thumbs. (I may finally be able to keep up with Ravi at texting.)

I am truly amazed somedays at the difference between being pregnant and not for me. But it's the little things like actually getting something done during the day and feeling like I'm accomplishing something rather than merely surviving that support our decision to be done at four. I'm also fairly confident that each child would not get as much attention as I want them to if we had more.

So we're looking at bigger houses. I know, Ashlee, I said I wasn't moving unless it was out of this state. Well, I changed my mind. I don't really understand how or when it happened, but we've run out of room. I don't really feel like we have an excessive amount of stuff, but apparently the house disagrees. And wouldn't you know it, I'm actually getting excited about the prospect. The idea of having a space for all of my craft stuff and room for our books and a classroom for school nearly makes me giddy. And why else do we have four kids if not to help clean the house?

I've just discovered the most amazing thing about homschooling: seeing Alaina learn something and incorporate concepts she's learned into learning new things. She's learned how to read, for crying out loud. She can write in cursive, and she's developed good problem solving skills (when she chooses to employ them!). It really is amazing to observe firsthand. I know homeschooling isn't for everyone, but I am so glad that we can.

So, any brilliant thoughts on how to do a Nutcracker birthday party?

mile marker 16

I've always felt sorry for people whose birthdays were around Christmas. I mean, how could they possibly not feel gypped? But I've changed my mind since my children were born, as they all have birthdays basically during the holidays. Now I feel like we essentially have one unending party from the end of October (A.J.'s birthday, not Halloween) through the end of January. It's great fun, but it's also a bit of a marathon to plan and execute. I'm not complaining, as planning and organizing is what we OCD types love to do.


One of the events during party season is our annual "Bible Study Baking Extravaganza!" (Yes, that's its actual name. Don't ask me, I don't make this stuff up.) It was started by a dear friend who has since abandoned us for the midwest, but we're not bitter or anything. Baking Day has since evolved a bit, but I'm thankful that we always make the time for it. I'm also very thankful for my friends who are so patient and willing to work with my small(ish) children, even though I know it is not easy! (Have you ever tried cooking or baking with small children? If they don't drive you bananas asking every 3 minutes when it will be time to frost the cookies, then there's the mess.) But my friends are champs and good sports about the whole thing.


Speaking of bananas, as my mom always said, "what goes around comes around." The other night, after asking for a banana and eating half of it, Jared decided that the way I had peeled the bottom half of the banana was simply unacceptable. So he dropped it on the floor. And then, in the midst of his tantrum, I told him to pick up the banana and throw it in the garbage. When I looked back at him a moment later to ensure that he was doing as instructed (as there are three other children and this was not the only thing taking place at that time), I see him noticing a convenient banana-stashing nook under the hutch and beginning to take advantage of said nook. The following things flew through my head almost simultaneously, the last being the one that actually left my mouth:

- Ha! That's hilarious!*
- Where's the camera?
- Wow, it must be genetic or something.*
- Jared Robert! Pick up that banana right now!

*There may be an anecdote about Raj and me and a not-so-silent fruit consumption protest involving stashing a banana under a hotel room bed in India. First of all, it was hilarious, and second of all, I was not going to eat that banana.

Up next: a Clarice birthday party for Jadyn, who couldn't possibly be 4 already, as I'm certain Alaina just turned 4 the other day; a Christmas here and there; some family coming; other assorted events.

gonna walk all over you

"These slippers are made for walking, Mama. ... My slippers are made for walking."

So says Jadyn.

It's a wonder what 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep in one's own bed can do for a person...

a source of frustration eliminated

For a few years now, I have harbored a death wish towards my dishwasher. But it was just one of those things I accepted. It was getting old, it was installed when the house was built, and I didn't pick it out. (Implication: The person who did pick it out had inferior opinions.) However, when it started to not clean the dishes, that's when I wanted to throw it out the window.

If there is one thing I learned from my dad, it is the art of being patient. Though Joe may be snorting as he reads this, I really can be patient. I might be loud and opinionated while exercising said patience, but I can do it. So here's to the practice of patience:


Oh, yeah. I may have sold my soul to Samsung and/or Lowe's. What are you gonna do?

who knew?

It's actually possible there is one decent writer on the staff of SNL. This aired Saturday night, and oddly enough, was pulled from the official NBC SNL site...possibly because there's actual truth in it. But it's funny, so here you go (for as long as it manages to stay on youtube).